Alright my Ravens, tomorrow afternoon, you’ll be fighting for your place in the Super Bowl. In case you didn’t know. Which I’m sure you did, I mean, you’re awesome and all that. Just want to say a few things. Don’t worry, it’s all good, and it’s not telling you how to do your job. There are enough bashers and people telling you how to do your job out there.
First of all, I believe in you. All of you. This year has been amazing, you’ve done freaking awesome things, and I don’t just mean that whole Steelers sweep. Or even the AFC North Division sweep. Breaking records, great locker room, rookies kicking ass, even though they had the lockout (may we never go through such a thing again) to work against them. Awesome, all of you.
Next, Joe. Oh Mr. Joe Awesome Flacco. One, I believe in you. Every play, every game, every day. You could throw interceptions every play, and I’d still believe that your next pass would be an epic touchdown. Although you really never need to test that belief. Just know it’s the truth. You handle the bashers (screw them all, they’re asshats who need hobbies), handle the Bayless, and rock the Fu-stache like no one else ever could.
Do I really need to say much about Ray Lewis and Ed Reed? Really? These guys are brilliance defined. They’ve all played great this year. I grew up watching this duo. When they retire, I will be crying and if they retire at the same time, forget about talking to me for a while, I’ll be flat out bawling and in need of serious consolation. You are the life and soul of the Ravens and Baltimore.
Terrell Suggs. T-Sizzle. The sacks you’ve made this year were epic. This guy owns Roethlisberger’s ass. Seriously, he even said he keeps it in a little refrigerator in his basement. He plays like a beast every day. And following him on Twitter is awesome, by the way, you all should find him.
And speaking of beast, let’s just talk for a second about Paul Kruger. Or as I tend to call him when he runs on the field, PAUL F**KING KRUGER! Yeah, that’s right. Mr. Kruger is awesome. He’s just snapped into beast mode this entire year, basically you see him running at a guy on the field, and you know something’s about to go down. So please let me have a lot of times to start shouting like I always do when you play, and dancing around the way I do when you do something good.
And now lets pause for a minute on our rookies. Torrey Smith. Jimmy Smith. Pernell McPhee. Tandon Doss. Jah Reid. Torrey: Love cheering for you every week. Any time you catch that ball I’m yelling (and tweeting) GO TORREY! GO TORREY! Jimmy: Oh my God, lets just recall that epic interception you made last year. And really, these past few weeks you’ve been doing pretty damn good on the field. Pernell, you’re kicking ass just as much as any other guy, and the combination of you with Paul Kruger is pretty epic. Tandon, you did some damn good work playing while Anquan was out. Can’t wait to see more of you. Plus I have the slightest bit of a soft spot for anyone who shares my exact birth date as it is the best date in the history of earth (9/22/89 babies are the best!), so I pull for you a lot when you’re in. And Jah. Keep it up, love seeing you check in on the field. All of you guys, keep it up, you’re rocking.
Dennis Pitta, Mr. Dennis Pitta, as the words of my little sister: You’re amazing. Stay amazing. And keep rocking that Fu. Glad you made some big milestones this year, hope you keep making more tomorrow.
Anquan Boldin, you’re freaking awesome. Almost always a sure thing when Joe throws that ball your way, it’s gonna be a pretty play. So very, very, very glad that you recovered in time to rock for the team on the football field. Hope you keep healthy and keep playing. And hope you get a ton of catches tomorrow, many of them touchdowns.
To Ray Rice. First off, my sister loves shouting every time you make a play “hey diddle, diddle, Ray Rice up the middle!” So I hope you can make her shout that lots tomorrow during the game. And I hope that tomorrow brings you a wonderful 25th birthday, with all that you want, especially if you are wanting a trip to the Super Bowl instead of the Pro Bowl. It’s great to have you in Baltimore, great to follow you on twitter, and awesome to have your autograph up in my room. You play so well and do so much good for the city. Hope to see you hear for a long time.
And I gotta give a brief moment to one of my absolute favorites, Tommy Zbikowski. By the way, dude, you freaking made my day when you retweeted me once. You’re awesome. And I keep believing that one time when you’re returning a kick, you’ll take it all the way for a touchdown. And when you do, I will be jumping up and down screaming for you and throwing all my strength and energy and whatever to you to will you into the endzone without a single flag. Been watching you since Notre Dame, and hope to watch you for a long time yet. (and you may be one of the hottest guys on the team, but that has nothing to do with football… soooo, yeah.) And please stop it with the concussions… they’re not cool. Although I’m sure they’re not cool for you either.
Okay, sorry, I’m starting to get sleepy, so I’ll be grouping more of you into one paragraph now. It’s nothing personal or against your awesomeness. I’m just sleepy. And want energy for the game.
Brendon Ayanbadejo, I’ll keep you solo, because you’re awesome. And also because not only did you acknowledge a tweet I sent you, you freaking sent me a tweet back!
I did pick one, promise. And I also always enjoy your twitter, pictures of you and Zibby driving in, and awesomeness on the field. It’s great to watch and cheer. And loved your radio show this past season. Really, you’re one of my favorite guys on the team.
Really, all the guys on the offense are awesome. Matt Birk, Ed Dickson, Lee Evans, Bryant McKinnie, Ben Grubbs, Kris Wilson (what a great time to get your first touchdown in a few years as during the playoffs!), Michael Oher, Vonta Leach, Marshall Yanda (omg, readers, have you heard how epically tough this guy is? He freaking played after surgery! Any unsure about how tough he may be/awesome he may be was erased there!), Ricky Wilson. It’s so awesome watching all you guys and the ones I may have forgotten to name (sorry, operating on headache brain!). It’s a thing of beauty, no matter what kind of game it is.
And the defense. Oh the defense, you’re brilliant. Chris Carr, Terrence Cody, Dannell Ellerbe, Jarrett Johnson (someone asked me last week what my thoughts on you were, I said simply that I think you’re freaking awesome, and any doubts I may have subconsciously had were resolved when you knocked Hines Ward flat on his back. Especially when his legs were dangling in the air.), Jameel McClain, Haruki Nakamura, Haloti Ngata (NGATA CHANCE!), Bernard Pollard (hey, if you could maneuver some form of a hit on Tom Brady like you did back in 2008, that would be cool…), Cory Redding, Lardarius Webb (love shouting for you as you make epic plays, keep it up!), Cary Williams; you’re all amazing. Each and every one of you, and again, any ones I didn’t name (headache brain is a bitch), you’re all amazing, part of one of the most awesome defenses out there!
And Special Teams. Billy Cundiff, David Reed, Sam Koch, all the other guys who go play special teams, you’re all amazing. Even when I get mad at you because you keep fumbling (cough starts with D and ends with R cough!). The plays made this year are almost always great. And last week, how you all played. Interceptions, recovering at great spots. You’re all great. (again, headache brain…)
So all in all, I’m not telling you how you should play tomorrow, but just know that while you’re playing, I’ll be in my living room, cheering my butt off for each and every one of you. Waiting for the moment I can shout “SUPER BOWL!!!!” and hoping I won’t have to save that cheer for next year. Sending each and every bit of good vibe, strength, will power, and whatever else I can send through brain waves. Because I know that while many people in the sports world have written you off, you’re gonna go in there and give it your all, like you have every game day this year. And the awesome Mr. Ray Lewis will be shouting “WHAT TIME IS IT?!” for everyone else to shout back “GAME TIME!” The dogs will be in the house.
Love to you all. Cheering for you my boys!